• 'Buy More Shit...' Shopping Bag

      Put the sack into Anglo-Saxon and carry your precious shit naks home in Modern Toss style with the ‘Buy More Shit…’ Bag 10 years on from the Stock Market crash and scurrilous cult comic artists Jon Link and Mick Bunnage (AKA Modern Toss) have selflessly re-released their classic 2009 re-usable shopping tote to both commemorate the global financi...

    • 'Don't Fuck Up The Table' Coasters

      Passive aggressively tell guests you don’t trust them not to mottle the mahogany, with ‘Don’t Fuck Up The Table’ Coasters “Would you mind using this...” (never a question, always a statement). Let’s be honest, there’s no way to say it without sounding like a right uptight so-and-so. You could drop a hint…But why not drop the F-bomb instead, in t...

    • Animal Snow Tubes

      Take the piste in cartoon style this Winter with these wild and wacky Animal Snow Tubes Novelty pool floats have been a bit of a pop culture sensation these last few Summers, so it’s no surprise that inflatable vinyl virtuosos Big Mouth Inc. have brought that same kitsch aesthetic to their range of groovy blow-up sleds. To be honest, it’s a bit ...

    • Armageddon It! Pencil Erasers

      Fake chews alert! These tasty looking but inedible tubby rubber pencil-erasing tyrants will disappear provocative sketches or offensive doodles, faster than you can say ‘Whoops Apocalypse!’ Dictator Eraser - when it’s time to rub out the composition, reach for the Supreme Leader of the Crayon Pen-insula; 10 imperialist-baiting centimetres of des...

      From £3.99
    • BBQ Sword

      Turn the chicken thighs of injustice and uphold the sausages of freedom with the BBQ Sword. En Garden! Pork for all, and all in buns! Thrust into barbecue season and dazzle your guests with the BBQ Sword. Complete with cardboard mask to conceal your identity, this grill-side accoutrement will having you looking the complete Dumas while servin...

    • Bear Skin Picnic Rug

      If you go down to the woods today... picnic like royalty with the take anywhere Bear Skin Blanket A witty tip of the topper to the days when two thirds of the globe was pink and stalking fuzzy four-legged beasties with a blunderbuss and extravagant facial hair was all the rage, this machine washable al fresco rug features a classic red and white...

    • Bigfoot Salad Tongs

      Quick…! There…! What’s that hiding in the frisée? It’s Bigfoot Salad Tongs and we have the incontrovertible photographic proof! There’s nothing abominable about this snowman. In fact, he’s here to help. Trouble with the bok choy? Pea sprouts proving uncooperative? Stand aside… with his powerful arms and vice-like grip, he’ll make short work of u...

    • Bowler Hat Colander

      Bowler Hat Colander is the hat-shaped strainer for any odd job in the kitchen. Colanders make great hats. But never has a hat made such a great colander. Bowler Hat Colander adds a pinch of Charlie Chaplin eccentricity and a dash of British stiff-upper-lip to any meal. Rinse lettuce, strain veg, serve up spaghetti or despatch enemies from afar w...



    • Breakfast Socks

      Too good to eat? Not exactly… but that’s only because these delicious-looking baked goods are actually ridiculously cute and stylish socks Realistic enough to fool a panel of patissiers at a croissant convention, each cunningly patterned pair is hand-rolled to look just like its tasty namesake. In fact, they’re so convincing you might want to le...

    • Cactus Mug

      Cacti are renowned for two things - storing water and being very spiky. Sombreros off then to the Cactus Mug, which delivers on both counts This prickly chalice will be manna to passive aggressive beverage lovers everywhere. Holding up to 400ml of liquid and sporting a message that is as direct as it is insulting, it’s the ceramic succulent of c...

    • Chocolate Teapot

      This item is on 'Pre-Order'. Stock estimated due date TBC. Please note: because of the automated payment service we use, your card will be charged when you order. Pop quiz: What connects Salvador Dali, Willy Wonka and The Mad Hatter...? They'd all have gone choccy-woccy-doo-lally for the utterly bonkers Chocolate Teapot. Familiar with the phra...



    • Cutting Boredom Chopping Boards

      Cutting Boredom Chopping Boards are laser-etched blocks of pun-filled fun for when the pop culture vultures are circling the kitchen. Add a generous dollop of zeitgeisty LOLs to your home cooking with Cutting Boredom Chopping Boards. Cut from quirkier stuff than your average wooden block (and we don’t just mean bamboo), each of these unique cut...

      From £20.99
    • Duke Cannon Big Ass Brick of Soap

      The Duke Cannon Big Ass Brick of Soap is three times the size of your average bar and made to the same spec as the soap used by American GIs in Korea. If you’re straight out of a hot DMZ wearing two days of grime and last week’s socks, nothing gets you smelling grunt-fresh like a Duke Cannon Big Ass Brick of Soap. A whole three times bigger than...

    • Festive Shit Wrap

      Get your precious shit-naks all wrapped up with this limited edition Festive Shit wrapping paper for the full Toss effect this Christmas. The Lowdown: High quality Christmas wrapping paper with a unique Modern Toss festive twist Dimensions: 489 mm x 692mm Shipping weight: 0.144 kg  

    • Gracula Garlic Twist

      Stick two fangs up to horror convention and monster mash your garlic with Gracula, the vampire vanquishing herb mincer with a twist Vampire lore dictates that a bulb of garlic would give any self-respecting bloodsucker an attack of the vapours. Not so Gracula - he can’t get enough of it Just drop a clove inside his cloak, pop his undead head bac...

    • Guitar Case Lunch Box

      Keep on rockin’ in the free period with Guitar Case Lunchbox, the handy sandwich tin for any travelling star. Rock up to the picnic tables like a pint-sized El Mariachi with the Guitar Case Lunchbox. Not just any portable snack container, this miniature tin guitar case is made to weather the hard knocks of life on the road (or the playground). A...

    • Ice Cream Beach Fan

      I scream, you scream, we all scream for Ice Cream Beach Fans! No surprise, when it’s 99 in the shade and even the mad dogs are looking for a handy fridge to clamber into. But English or not, avoid getting all hot and bothered in the midday sun with this fun faux-gelato battery powered fan. Just pop in a couple of AAs, push the button, relax and ...

    • Jetpack Backpack

      This item is on 'Pre-Order'.  Stock due Jan. 2019. Because of the automated payment service we use, your card will be charged when you checkout. Commencing countdown, engines on… Stay fuelled and prepare for lunch with the stellar Jetpack Backpack Hang on! It’s the 21st century, right? Weren’t we all supposed to be pinging around the skies stra...

    • Magical Unicorn Light Up LED Slippers

      Set your sparkle in motion and shimmy across the shag pile in a pair of magical, carpet-riding LED Unicorn Slippers. Fake news my ass, what you really need in these uncertain times is a fake ass that’s news. And a glitter horned one that lights up at that. A bona fide alt-righteous rhinocerhorse if you will. And what could possibly be more creat...

    • Mindless Violence Colouring Book

      Stressed at work, Yeah? Mindless Violence - from prime ‘sh*t nak’ merchants Modern Toss - is fully tooled up to ride roughshod over the adult colouring book sector. Achieve a mindful state as you colour in these adrenalin-soaked scenes of mindless violence, created for you by a dedicated team of plain clothes therapists. Experience an overwhelmi...

    • Monster Attack! Walking Erasers

      Monster Attack! Walking Erasers may not be massive enough to attack Tokyo, but they’ll make short work of your pencil doodles. Turn back the clock to a golden age of Saturday matinee movies. Rubbery monsters! Cardboard cities! Mild peril! Monster Attack! Walking Erasers bring it all flooding back. Well… walking, really slowly back. And at only 8...

      From £6.99
    • Motivational Motel Keyrings

      Motivational Motel Keyrings offer an inspirational life saying on a classic American budget motel key fob. You have a nice day now… You hold the key to your future (and your flat, and the shed). And thanks to Motivational Motel Keyrings you’ll never forget it. Modelled on classic US motel key fobs, each plasticky slice of blue-collar Americana i...

    • Nonconformist Gnome

      Bring a little punk spirit into your garden. Plonk the Nonconformist Gnome amongst the petunias and stick a rebellious finger up to his bumpkin cousins. Blame TV, pesticides, climate change, whatever… The Nonconformist Gnome has shunned his parents’ jolly world of land-tilling, pond-fishing, and barrow-wheeling. He’s making his presence known th...

    • Secret Agent Luggage Tag

      "No Mr Bond, I expect you to fly!" The Secret Agent Luggage Tag is the ideal travel bag accessory if your holiday gear regularly attracts some unwanted attention. Modern travel can be stressful; there are plenty of situations that can leave you thoroughly shaken and stirred. Whether it’s a pint-sized Nick Nack in Hawaiian print beating you throu...

    • Sound Effect Drum Machine Wallet

      Playing one of five drum beats every time you open it, the Drum Machine Wallet will make sure you hit all the right notes. Some people open their wallets so rarely, the occasion ought to be heralded with trumpets. But we don’t like those people. So for everyone else we’ve found the Drum Machine Wallet. Made from super-strong Tyvek material, this...



    • Spaghetti Monster

      Behold, the Spaghetti Monster! Spreading the Pastafarian gospel with a delicious dollop of linguine and some Intelligently Designed drainage holes The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster was founded in 2005 as a bit of a light-hearted dig at religious fundamentalism. This wingless, earth-bound manifestation is all set to do the same to po-fac...

    • Stance X Star Wars Socks

      Stance X Star Wars Socks use 200 needle count stitching and premium combed cotton to bring you the universe’s geekiest footwear. There has been an awakening... We’ve all felt it. Some of us have seen it. But how many have worn it with a pair of comfortable loafers? Don a pair of Star Wars Stance Socks and wiggle your ten little Jabbas with delig...

    • Table Tennis Notebooks

      Table Tennis Notebooks are a delightfully daft way to play impromptu office table tennis between (or even during) dull meetings. As some misguided mayors will tell you, Table Tennis was born in the after-dinner libraries of aristocratic, 19th Century England and went by the name ‘Wiff-Waff’. Which is appropriate, given the story is half waffle. ...

    • The Art Of Sleeping Eye Masks

      Master the art of forty winks and give the heebeegeebees to your partner / flight attendants / fellow travellers with these award-winning printed satin sleep masks Based on the faintly creepy idea that museum paintings stay awake monitoring their surroundings long after the gallery lights are switched off, these ‘eyes-that-seem-to-follow-you-aro...

    • The Gentleman's Deck - Monte Carlo Edition

      The perfect gift for any aspiring Esquire, each card in this high quality deck has a hint on how to be the perfect gentleman. There was a time a gentleman could spend an entire morning in pursuit of the perfect Half Windsor. And whole hours could be dedicated to an armchair, honing one’s pipe technique. But these days, we’re all in such a hurry...



    • The Hangover I Bought a Giraffe T-Shirt

      Celebrate the third instalment of the Hangover movie with a ridiculously awesome tee! This Hangover 3 My Name Is Alan I Bought A Giraffe White T-Shirt is a great-looking item featuring an image of Zach Galifianakis' portrayal of the wacky character Alan. The Lowdown My Name is Alan, I Bought a Giraffe High-quality T-shirt featuring The Hangove...

    • TriceraTACO and TACOsaurus Rex

      This item is on 'Pre-Order'.  Stock currently due late October. NB: This date may be subject to change. Because of the automated payment service we use, your card will be charged when you checkout. When Diningsaurs ruled the earth! Add some Jurassic bite to delicious spicy Mexican food with TriceraTACO and TACOsaurus Rex   Make boring meal time...

      From £15.99


    • Unicorn Snot Glitter Sunscreen

      Shimmer in the Summer sun and protect your precious skin from harmful UV rays with Unicorn Snot Glitter Sunscreen, specially formulated from the sparkly noseblessings of nature’s most enigmatic beast Ever seen a unicorn with sunburn? Of course not. And the reason is a magical balm gafflumped from its fantastical nostrils and slathered onto its i...

    • Unicorn Zip N Flip Travel Pillow

      Unicorn Zip N Flip Travel Pillow is the heavenly creature comforter that magically transforms into a sleep enchanted rainbow cushion of relaxment Although fabled for possessing miraculous abilities, providing cosy neck support for weary travellers isn’t in the standard rhinocerhorse playbook. Hurrah then for the Zip N Flip; more than just a soft...

    • WonderWoof Activity Tracker For Dogs

      WonderWoof is the super-cute activity monitor for pets that’ll keep your pooch in shape and give you somewhere to look while they do their business. Dogs! Put that down and listen up. Both ears… That’s it. We want to tell you about WonderWoof, the fitness tracker for dogs that’ll have your human housemates tripping over their Jawbones. Let’s st...

    • ZURU Bunch O Balloons

      Eaupocalypse now! Rage watery war on an epic scale with Bunch O Balloons, the ingenious system that lets you automatically fill and tie 100 water balloons in less than a minute! Everyone likes a water fight - now you can give free rein to your inner balloonatic with Bunch O Balloons, the $1 million Kickstarter sensation that puts a game-changing...

      From £8.99

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